a benchmark of sorts

After a day off, it's always nice to get back on the job. My job here is usually driver, which means I stay in the truck and watch the goings-on around me while listening on the radio to what's going on inside. Today, however, I had the pleasure of pulling dismounted security. It served as a nice change of pace, even though having the previous day off served that purpose as well. As a dismount, my job is to ensure the security of our Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT) personnel, as well as our vehicles and equipment. In most of the places we've gone thus far, the biggest challenge is the kids. For most of these kids, all they've known their entire lives is that American soldiers come around, disrupt their daily lives and sometimes give out free stuff. I don't know who started it, but sometime back in early 2004, some dumb private decided it'd be a good idea to give some kid a pencil or a gatorade. The details have blurred over the last 6 years, but the fact is, that kid told all his friends, and they told their friends, and soon, every kid in every neighborhood in Iraq believed that every American soldier gave out free stuff.

Today's mission involved us taking some medical personnel to a local medical clinic in Mosul. Before every mission, we're briefed as to the objective and location, and it's pointed to on a map. Being new to the city, we never know what kind of neighborhood it is just by looking at satellite images. Today's neighborhood was not the best one we'd been to, judging by the amount of Iraqi Army guard towers. Even worse, once we started rolling into the courtyard area, the kids started leaving. While kids normally spell aggravation, the lack of kids spells trouble -- much like rats leaving a sinking ship. What a day to be a dismount. However, it seemed the kids were just a little shy. Upon realizing we were not there to harm but to help, they got a little more brazen. Soon, I found myself surrounded by kids whose grasp of the English language was limited to "Meestah! Pencil!" and "Meestah! Water!" and "Meestah! You give me money!" The first two were easy...I carry a pen, not a pencil, and I was drinking a Gatorade. The third was a little more complicated. How do you explain to a kid, let alone a kid who speaks very, very little English, that you're a government employee, and thus have no money?

Some of these kids have been around soldiers long enough to know what makes us laugh. One kid today was definitely the class clown of the group, and I saw a little bit of myself in him. He'd been working me over pretty good with his best Jerry Lewis-esque schtick, so I decided to give him the last half of my Gatorade. I don't usually give stuff out, because it incites a riot amongst the kids, and creates more problems than it solves. I was feeling good, and thought I'd pay it forward and give the kid a reward for his hard work. Did he graciously accept it and move on to my buddies to see what else he could get? NO! Without skipping a beat, he turned it down and asked me for my $80 watch. Talk about swinging for the fences...and like the Babe Ruth everybody forgets about, the kid struck out. As soon as he turned it down, his buddy swooped in and took the Gatorade happily, and Jerry Lewis moved on empty handed.

The lesson here, folks, is that when life hands you lemons, accept the half-consumed lemon-lime Gatorade some stranger is offering you.

Er...Something like that. In other news, today, I benched my weight for the first time in my life...hence the benchmark in the subject line. You got it.

-j