How We Got Here, Part I

I always wanted to believe that man is inherently good. I've come to realize, however, that, at least for the most part, this belief is bunk. Man is not inherently good. Nor is man inherently evil. Each person has potential. (Metaphysically speaking, of course. I know for a fact there is no potential for me in the world of say, chemistry.) What that person does with that potential can be viewed as good or evil. That gives me comfort when I lay down at night. Not that I can wake up and do evil...although it is an option...I'm comforted by the idea that we're not tied down to one or the other. Every day we wake up, we have options. Now, that's completely over-simplified. Rarely are life's decisions black or white, good or evil, vanilla or chocolate, but you get the idea. It took me many thousands of dollars and many, many years of trials, tribulations and the like to land at this discovery (worth every penny, as well as the blood, sweat and tears, looking back). It used to keep me up at night thinking we're predestined, and that all of this is just us going through the motions, waiting.

Back in November of 2006, I was going to school (sometimes), working for a cell phone store, and trying to disprove the statistics and make a long distance relationship work. I wasn't happy in school, work was simply a paycheck for gasoline to travel to the girlfriend, and distance in miles was creating a distance between the girlfriend and me. In November of 2006, I woke up with several options: do/don't go to class, do/don't drink tonight, do/don't call the girlfriend about weekend plans. In the same November of 2006, 63 Americans in Iraq, many of whom were younger than me, lost their lives. At 19, 20...some of these kids knew nothing other than their parent's house, their barracks room, and war. I had led a selfish life up to this point. I gave nothing of myself away. I was blessed to have the loved ones in my life as well as the opportunities I had been given. In all of this, I had options. One cold night in November, it hit me that these young men and women would never have the opportunity to squander the things I had chosen to. Many of these strangers had joined the military to specifically to get the opportunities I'd had been given for free. They'd sought a better life for themselves and their families, and they'd lost it all.

I joined the Army National Guard on 11 December 2006 in order to become an officer. I no longer believed that I was destined to do anything, let alone save the world, but I felt like if I could make a difference in the lives of the 30 men I'd be leading into combat, it'd be a start, and I could gauge my world-changing abilities off that. The National Guard made sense to me at the time because it would allow me to finish up with school, all while learning to become the best officer I could be. Now, I won't delve too deep into my experience in the Guard, but suffice to say, it is not what they show before the previews at your local movie theater. After 1 week of Basic training, I decided that being a part-time soldier was not what I wanted. It needed to be a full-time gig for me. I spent 2 years, 7 months and 20 days in the National Guard. In that time, I missed 3 classes of Officer Candidate School (due to a rather large communication breakdown) and never realized my goals of becoming a commissioned officer. After very much deliberation, and 2 years, 7 months and 20 days of frustration, I received my Honorable Discharge from the National Guard. Just under 30 days after walking away from all of that, I would be sworn into active duty in the United States Army.