Today we went on a mission to inspect a few agricultural projects the State Department in funding up in Kurdistan. Great projects...we ate some of the fruits of their labors. It is amazing what a little irrigation and education will do for a people. It reminds me of West Texas and their cotton. That's not why I write tonight, however. On long drives through northern Iraq, conversation often turns to what we're going to do when we land back in the States, both in effort to stay the boredom as well as to stay awake. An interesting point was brought up by a visiting Staff Sergeant today. He mentioned that some of us might go through a period of "culture shock" upon return. Things like well-paved roads, manicured landscaping, clean air, and an overall lack of trash will indeed seem foreign...at least for a while. Not having to scan for IEDs and men tossing grenades will also force a bit of an adjustment. But what I find most...alarming?...of all of that is that THIS IS MY HOME. 2 and a half months in, it's finally hit that this is my home, at least for now. It no longer feels odd going everywhere with a loaded M4. It's become as natural as putting on a seatbelt for me to throw on my "battle rattle" (body armor, helmet, gloves, etc...). Explosions and gunfire in the distance is what puts me to sleep at night. That stuff has become my West Texas thunderstorm. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I watched "The Hurt Locker" when it came out, and enjoyed it for what it was...a great film. I watch it now, and I UNDERSTAND the main character. For better or worse, this is my life. This, Iraq John, is who I am. This is my world now. This is hard for me to accept...except that this is where I have blossomed. When I spent a couple of weeks at my parents' house in August, after a few days, all I could think of was getting back to work. There is ALWAYS something that needs to be done, something that needs to be done better, something to pass on to younger soldiers, and it is my job -- my reason for getting out of bed each day -- to get it done. My fear is that I've fallen in love with a job, with getting better every day, with becoming a better soldier/man, that I am doomed to miss out on the things that I have always felt are most important...family, friends, and perhaps a wife and a family of my own. I love what I am becoming every day, but at what cost is all of this happening?
Your becoming so enlightened, it is very refreshing.
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